Reflection
by jslack
Summary: Jasper reflects on the events of the past month as he comforts his newborn daughter. My entry for the "For the Love of Jasper" contest.
1. Chapter 1

"**For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest **

**Title: Reflection**

**Pen name: Jslack0816**

**Existing work: "Vegas, Baby!"**

**Primary Players: Jasper**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. Daddy Jasper is MINE, MINE, MINE!**

**To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:  
www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564**

**Reflection**

Jasper POV

I lifted my head from the pillow as I heard the small cry coming from down the hall. It wasn't the usual cry that I had been hearing for the past two weeks. This cry seemed to be calling to me. It was a sound that tugged at my heart and willed me from my restless slumber. Pulling a t-shirt over my head, I groggily walked to her room.

"Want me to go?" A quiet voice spoke as I passed the kitchen.

A weary smile crossed my face as I answered. "No, I think I've got it." The amount of love that had filled our home was immeasurable, and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to repay the kindness that had been offered.

I turned the doorknob slowly and stepped into the pink and white heaven that Alice had created for our daughter. The walls were covered in soft pink and white stripes. The windows were covered in sheer white curtains. The bedding was soft and the bed skirt had been made of the tulle from Alice's wedding dress. A dainty table sat in the corner, flanked by two small chairs, and topped with a tea set. I stood and breathed in the sweet mixture of my wife, who had spent so many hours in this room waiting for our daughter to be born, and our new daughter, who was wailing to the top of her lungs just a few feet away.

I crossed the small distance and reached into the overpriced cradle that Alice had insisted she couldn't live without. As I looked at our sweet daughter lying in it, her face scrunched and red, lungs fully functional, I knew that Alice was right. It was a piece that was fit for a princess, and that she was.

I carefully placed my hands around her; one gently behind her head, and one splayed to cover and support her tiny back. I did it just the way I had been shown in one of the many classes Alice had insisted on enrolling us in to prepare for her birth and beyond. She even insisted that we take a "How to Choose the Right College" class. I profusely protested, claiming we would be the only parents there with their child still in utero. She insisted that we must start early, and as usual, I went happily with her, holding her hand the entire way.

As I walked around the room, cradling our daughter gently in my arms, I thought about what a journey we had been on just to conceive her. I sat in the rocking chair and spoke gently as I told the story to the miracle in my arms.

"Your mommy prayed for you every night. Getting you here was no easy feat. Your mama peed on more sticks…" I trailed off as I thought about the endless pregnancy tests, ovulation tests, and doctors' appointments, some of which were quite embarrassing for me. I mean, I have no problem with masturbation, but there was just something unnatural about doing it in a white room of a doctor's office surrounded by porn and God only knows what else. I now wondered who had the job of cleaning _that_ room. I shook the thoughts from my head as I turned my attention back to my daughter. "I'll never forget the morning she came screeching down the hall, her arms flying around. She jumped into my arms and proclaimed she was pregnant. She was so excited. We danced around the house for hours. Neither of us could wipe the smile from our faces. From that moment on, sweet girl, you were the only thing she lived for. I went to every doctor appointment with her, and believe me, there were a lot. She made an appointment between appointments if she thought something was wrong. If she woke up and her neck was sore, probably from the way she had slept, she called the doctor. And when you started moving inside her tummy, she would freak the hell out," I paused and apologized for my language, remembering that I had promised Alice I would try to stop cursing. I continued, "She would flip out if you didn't move every ten minutes." I smiled as I thought about the sight of my beautiful wife, spread out on our bed with wires everywhere. Her huge stomach covered in monitors. She had bought every ultrasonic monitor available, always swearing that one was better than the other. She had even tried to get Edward to bring a monitor home from the hospital. "She had every one of them hooked to her belly and was fumbling to see which one was connected to which ear piece. It was a task getting her untangled." I chuckled, startling the sleeping beauty in my arms. I bent to kiss her forehead and shh'd her quietly.

I rocked her and watched her fall back to sleep as I took in her beauty. She looked so much like her mother. She was so little. Her bone structure matched Alice's to a tee. Her eyes were still blue, but I was sure they would turn to match her mother's hazel ones. She had dark hair, perfectly heart-shaped lips, and the sweetest little pixie nose I had ever seen. It was unfair to the world for one man to have had two such beautiful girls grace his life.

"The day I met your mommy, I knew I would be with her as long as we existed, not that I had much choice. She stalked right up to me, never mind the other girl on my arm, and predicted that we would be together forever. Her spirit was unlike any I had seen. She actually scoffed at the girl I was with when she tried to speak up. Your mama put her hand right up in that girls' face, looked at me, winked, and walked off. By the end of the week, I was chasing her. Of course, she made me work for it. She said she wasn't sure if I was ready for the intensity of what we would be." I smiled to myself as I remembered that time in our lives. She was adamant that we were meant to be. I just wanted a piece of ass. I had never wanted anyone as much as I wanted her. She was having none of that. She told me that I couldn't have her body until she knew I wanted her heart. I tried so hard. I sent flowers, I took her out. I wanted a piece of Alice Brandon and I wasn't gonna stop until I got it. I spent an entire year trying to get in her pants. In the process, I fell for her. Hard. It was our senior prom night that I finally realized what had transpired.

I looked back to our daughter and said, "Your mama was the real deal princess on prom night. She was white and pink and shimmery. She absolutely sparkled. When she walked down the stairs in Nana's house, she took my breath away. That was the moment, little sprite, that I fell in love with your mama."

Glancing to the window, I saw that the sun was starting to rise. I allowed my head to drop back against the chair as I thought about the events of the last month. Alice's due date had long since passed. She was seven days passed her date, it was the middle of July, and she was miserable as all hell. She thought she was in labor 14 times. This meant 14 trips to the hospital, and 14 trips back home. Her obstetrician finally told her that if she hadn't delivered by July 22, she would induce her labor. I knew part of her decision was for the safety of Alice and the baby, but part of me had to believe she was taking pity on me. My hair hadn't been cut in weeks, it was shaggy and in my eyes, I was tired, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown from Alice's constant worrying.

July 20, 2009 changed my life forever.

_My secretary had called and informed me that a client was demanding to speak to me. Alice was lounging on the couch, so I told her I would be no longer than an hour and left to meet the client. I offered to call Bella or Rose to sit with her, but she laughed it off, telling me that she would be fine. I kissed her lips, then her swollen belly, and headed for the door._

"_I love you," I called through the house as I left._

"_Love you back, Cracker Jack," Alice yelled with a laugh._

_I made it to my office in record time and was met by a very unhappy client. My partner, Mike Newton, had royally pissed him off. The meeting was taking longer than I anticipated, so I asked my assistant to make a call to check on Alice._

"_Mr. Whitlock," she said quietly, as she peeked into the door, "there wasn't an answer."_

_I attributed it to Alice being in the bathroom or not being able to get up from the couch to answer the phone. I inwardly cursed myself for not making sure she had the phone in her hand when I left._

"_Please try again in 5 minutes, if you still don't get an answer, let me know."_

_I half-heartedly listened to the complaints of my client, as I wondered and worried about Alice. My head shot up when the door creaked and my secretary informed me that she had tried twice and still had no answer._

"_I'm sorry, Mr. Jenks," I stood. "Please excuse me for one moment. I walked to the outer lobby and pulled my cell out. I dialed the number to our neighbor, and Alice's closest friend, Bella. She was married to Edward, who was not only my best friend, but a doctor as well. I knew that he or Bella would be home and could run over to check on her._

"_Hey, Jazz. What's up?" It was Edward._

"_Hey man, I need a favor."_

"_Sure, what do you need?"_

"_Can you or Bella run over and check on Alice. I had to come in to work and she isn't answering the phone. It's freaking me out a little bit." _

"_Sure, Jazz. I'll run over there and tell her to call you," he said in amusement. He knew better than anyone what we, well I, had been going through._

"_Thanks." I hung up the phone and returned to Mr. Jenks._

_I was finally able to appease him, so I sent him on his way. I checked the clock and noticed it had been twenty-five minutes since I had called Edward. _

_I called home and got no answer. _

_I called Alice's' cell and got no answer. _

_I called Edward and Bella's home and cell phones and got no damn answer._

_I went into panic mode as I sped down the freeway. I called and called and called every one I knew, and no one would answer._

_I was met with red flashing lights as I turned the corner into our neighborhood. Red flashing lights in front of our house. My heart dropped, and then quickly rebounded into my throat before deciding to return to my chest and beat the hell out of my ribcage._

_I don't even remember stopping the car, or putting it in park. I couldn't recall getting out or how I came to be on my knees on the grass in my yard. I felt someone pulling me away from the door and turned to see that it was Edward._

"_She's in the ambulance. They are getting ready to leave with her. Go." He pushed me in the direction of the flashing lights. I heard him yelling to the paramedics that I was her husband, and they yelled back that it would be best if he drove me there._

_A string of profanities left my lips as I demanded to know what was going on. No one was answering my questions. I turned to Edward, who was now pushing me into his car._

"_What the hell is going on?" I asked in shock._

_The look on his face was one I will never forget. It held a mix of 'I feel sorry for you', sadness, defeat, and shock._

"_What the hell is going on? Don't fucking look at me like that! Tell me what is wrong with her? Is she okay?" Tears fought to spill onto my cheeks, but I managed to blink them away. I felt like I needed to be strong. I felt like if I cried it would mean that things were a lot worse than I thought they were._

"_Calm down, Jazz. I'm not sure what happened to her. I found her lying on the floor beside the couch. I called the paramedics," he said vaguely, very vaguely. Too vaguely._

"_Stop bull-shitting me, Edward! What do you mean 'on the floor'? Was there blood? Was she awake? Was she breathing for Christ's sake? You're a fucking doctor!" Panic and fear had overtaken my body._

_It was easy to see that he didn't want to answer me. He swerved in and out of traffic as we followed the ambulance, obviously using the concentration required to accomplish that to avoid my questions. When he finally spoke it was low and laced with concern. "Jazz, let's just wait until we get to the hospital. I don't know what happened to her. The physicians working with her will be able to tell you more."_

_We finally made it to the hospital. I jumped from the car before it stopped and ran to the ambulance bay where they were unloading her. I tried to get to her, but was pushed aside and told that they needed to get her straight to surgery. I caught a glimpse of her as they pulled her from the ambulance. She was intubated, and one of the paramedics was pumping air into her lungs while another pounded on her tiny chest._

_As she was taken away, the tears finally broke through. I fell to my knees, crashing to the concrete. It should've hurt me, but my heart was carrying all the pain my mind could recognize. _

_I prayed. "God, take me. Not her. Not them. Please, let them live. She just wants to be a mama. Let her have that. I'll go in her place. Please don't take them." I chanted the words over and over._

"_Come on, Jasper. Let's go inside. Bella, Rose, and Emmett are on their way. The doctor will be out soon to tell you what's going on._

"_Someone should call her parents. And my parents," I said quietly as I stood._

"_Bella is taking care of it. Don't worry about that right now."_

_We walked silently through the two sets of double doors and into a lounge area. I found a seat, then stood to pace, unable to sit still._

_It seemed like hours that we were there, although, I doubt that I had any perception of time. Bella, Rose, and Emmett came. They offered food and drinks and prayer and who knows what else. I vaguely remembered even seeing them. I felt like my life was slipping away, and I was completely powerless to stop it. My life rested in the hands of the surgeons behind the last set of double doors. Alice's parents came, my parents came, and I was completely oblivious to what any of them were saying. My heart, mind, and soul were at a stand still until I knew they were okay._

_The surgeon finally emerged from the doors I had been waiting to open. His scrubs were blood stained. I felt my mother's hand on my back and my father's on my shoulder. The look on the doctor's face told me that things were bad. How bad, was my only concern. As long as they were alive, I would be okay. I couldn't live without them. He shot a doctor look to Edward and I saw a pained expression momentarily cross Edward's face. He shook my hand and introduced himself before motioning for me to sit. I couldn't recall now what his name was, but I knew his scrubs were blue and his shoes were black. I stared at them as I sat with my elbows propped on my knees, my head in my hands. I never looked at his face._

"_Mr. Whitlock, I'm so sorry." That was all I heard. I found out later that the placenta had erupted and caused massive blood loss. They were able to save the baby, but they weren't able to stop the bleeding in time to save Alice. Our daughter was born at 3:52 PM and Alice passed away at 4:11 PM. _

She was never able to see the baby that she longed for, the baby she prayed for.

I was allowed to see Alice for a few minutes before I was dragged away from her. I left my heart in that room with her. And I wasn't sure I would ever recover.

I sat in the hospital room and stared into space until the baby was released to go home. I was numb. I couldn't hold her, I couldn't feed her, I couldn't even look at her. It hurt too much. Bella and Rosalie stayed with me and cared for the baby. I was sure the only reason the baby was even released was because of them.

Upon returning home, a task I dreaded more than any, I noticed the carpet had been replaced in the living room. I walked passed it and went to bed. I made a mental note to thank Emmett and Edward for doing that. I was sure they had done it, knowing the last thing I needed to see was my wife's blood staining the area.

Alice's parents helped me make the funeral arrangements. I spoke when directly spoken to, but mostly left all of the decisions up to them. At her wake, I stood by her casket and softly rubbed her cheek. I don't remember speaking to anyone. Just staring at her and crying; memorizing everything about her.

Bella, Rose, Emmett, and Edward had been taking care of the baby. They must've been living in our home, although I wasn't really sure who had been here. I had spent the last two weeks in bed. I came out to use the bathroom, eat enough to keep me alive, and then retreated back into our room. I had taken different articles of Alice's clothing out of her closet and slept with them. When the scent of her wore off, I pulled something different out. My wife's obsession with shopping had finally proven to be beneficial to me.

I looked at my daughter again and noticed how much like Alice she was. I knew, for her, I needed to get my shit together. Alice would want me to be the one caring for her. She had prepared me to be a daddy and that was what I needed to be. I appreciated all that our friends had been doing. I felt selfish for not allowing them time to grieve the loss of their good friend for having to take care of my child and me.

The nursery door cracked and Bella asked, "Is she hungry? I made a bottle if you want to feed her." She crossed the room and handed me the warm bottle.

"Thanks," I said with a smile. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"Just like her mother," Bella responded quietly.

I jiggled her slightly to wake her and slid the bottle into her mouth. She made the sweetest, most content sound as she drank the milk.

"You know, she needs a name…" she trailed off.

"I know. Alice wanted to decide what to name her when we saw her. She said that a name was important, and she couldn't just choose something without making sure it fit her."

Bella stood silently by my side with her hand gently lying on my shoulder.

"I wish she was here to do this." Tears fell from my eyes.

"I know, Jazz. She would've been a great mother." Her hand left my shoulder as she wiped the tears from her own eyes.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. "Mary Abigail Whitlock," I said plainly. "That's her name."

I looked to Bella for approval. If Alice couldn't confirm it to be a good choice, I knew she would want Bella to.

"That's perfect. Alice would love that."

"I think so, too." Bella turned to walk out of the room. "Hey, Bells," I said causing her to turn back to me.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For everything. Thank you for helping me, but mostly for being her friend. She loved you." I stopped to set the bottle down and burp Abigail.

"Your welcome, Jasper. I loved her, too." She wiped the fresh tears from her face and left the room.

A loud burp came from my daughter, and I felt a smile cross my face as I said, "See there, you are a little bit like me. And I promise you, we are going to be okay." I kissed her head and returned the bottle to her mouth.


	2. Chapter 2 Voting is open

Just wanted to add a quick note, for those who would like to know. Voting has started for the "For the Love of Jasper" contest. My one-shot is called Reflection. I would really appreciate the vote. Here's the link:

.net/u/2023698/For_the_Love_of_Jasper

Voting lasts until the Oct 18. I hope you'll take a minute to slide over and vote!

Also, there are a few great stories by a couple of great authors. Zephyersky and Pange. They collaborated on one and have entered individually. They are amazing and super talented!

Much love and tons of thanks for all who take the time to vote!


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